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Building Bridges:
Improving The Relationships In Your Life
Making Friends For Eternity
Romans 5:11; 2 Corinthians 5:18
Introduction: The Most Amazing Truth
The most amazing truth in
all the world is that God wants to have a relationship with you. Let’s make
this more personal. Please repeat this with me: God wants to have a
relationship with me! That’s as close to inconceivable as it comes—God wants to
have a relationship with me. We were made to be friends of God. The Bible says
that you were created so that God could love you. You were made to have a
relationship.
But, there’s a problem. Something
went wrong in that relationship—Sin. It started with the sin of Adam and Eve
but the problem clearly extends to my sin and your sin. There have been times
in my life that I decided I was going to do what I thought was best and not
what God thought was best. That broke the relationship.
Fortunately God didn’t leave
it at that. He took the initiative and He came to earth in human form, in the
person of Jesus Christ, to show us what God is like, to show us how much He
loves us, to stretch out His arms on the cross and die for us so that the
bridge could be built back to God and that relationship could be restored. That’s
the incredible, really wonderful, marvelous news that we looked at last week as
we started this series on building bridges. Let me remind you of the truth with
which we began this series—that Jesus is the one and only mediator (bridge)
between holy God and sinful humanity.
This
is good and pleases God our Savior, for he longs for all to
be saved and to understand this truth: That God is on one
side and all the people on the other side, and Christ Jesus,
himself man, is between them to bring them together, by giving
his life for all mankind. 1
Timothy 2:3-6 LB
If I were to summarize the
message of the Bible—the message of Christianity—in one word, it wouldn’t be
the word religion, ritual or rules. It would be the word relationship. That’s what the
message of Christianity is. God wants to have a relationship with you. At the
center of this series are the words Jesus spoke to the man who asked Him what
He considered to be the most important of all the commandments.
Jesus replied:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and
with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second
is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'” Matthew
22:37-39 NIV
Jesus made relationships
the priority. Jesus says, “If your relationship with God is in order and your relationships
with others, you are doing what God put you on earth to do.” Life is
essentially about relationships. It’s not about success, money, status,
pleasure or fame. It’s about your relationship with God and with other people.
There are two problems. First,
relationships are very fragile. They can be easily damaged. They
need to be nurtured. Second, we are rarely taught about what makes
relationships good and how to
develop them. We are left to experiment and, like some of my chemistry lab
experiments in high school, they blow up in your face. Therefore, we are going
to pitch our tent here and camp out for a few weeks to hopefully improve our
relationships with other people.
Our focus today is of the
highest priority. We are talking about making friends for eternity. The Bible
tells us that God makes us His friend through Jesus.
So
now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with
God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.
Romans
5:11 NLT
The Bible also tells us why
He did this.
God
has done all this. He has restored our relationship with him
through Christ, and has given us this ministry of restoring
relationships. 2 Corinthians 5:18 GWT
The privilege of becoming
a friend of God carries with it a corresponding responsibility of telling
others how to become a friend of God, too. Once you accept Jesus Christ, once
you step across the line, you have a new life assignment. You are to become a
bridge builder. Every Christian is called to be a bridge builder in life. A
Christian, of all people, should be interested in relationships.
We have the greatest news
in the world: My sins can be forgiven. I receive a new purpose for living. I am
promised a home in heaven. God becomes my friend. What could be better than that? Name me one thing
that is better than that. It’s better than a cure for any disease because it
has eternal implications. There is no greater achievement in life—no finer
epitaph—than, “He/She was a bridge builder for
Jesus Christ.”
We have the greatest
message in the world, but we have to earn the right to share it. You have to build the bridge. We were told
that in the Dominican Republic you can walk up to anyone and ask, “Are you a
Christian?” They won’t be offended. They will tell you one way or the other
where they stand with Christ and are grateful that you cared enough to ask.
That doesn’t work as well here. People are much more likely to be offended than
grateful—and they will let you know they are offended.
One of our problems as
believers is that we often forget that most of the people around us are not
headed for heaven. They are not friends of God. They need to hear the good
news. So, this morning, I want to give
you six principles for building relationships. We will look at how you build a bridge
to unbelievers. These six principles apply to any relationship. They’ll give
you a better marriage and make you a better parent. But, I want to talk specifically about how you
build a bridge to that neighbor, that co-worker or that relative who doesn’t
know the Lord? How do you build a bridge
of love between your heart and theirs?
Principle # 1: Be Proactive
The first step in building
bridges to people is to be proactive. Don’t wait for them to form a
relationship with you. Take the initiative. The Golden Rule really works here.
Here
is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what
you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and
do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect
a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you
only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety
sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get
out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers
does that. Luke
6:31-34 The Message
Most people want friends,
but very few know how to make them. Because God calls us to be bridge builders,
we are the ones who need to take the first step. Reach out to your neighbor,
co-worker or classmate. Someone has to care enough to dare to take the first
step. In our culture people are often skeptical about motives. They are afraid
of being hurt. They wonder if they’re being conned. They don’t want to be used.
In order to build friendships today you have to be willing to meet them more
than half-way.
Do you remember the bumper
sticker that offered the wise advice, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.”
We need to make a sticker that says, “Friends don’t let friends miss heaven!” If you care, you will be proactive. Once
you’re a believer God puts people in your life so you can tell them about
Jesus. Be proactive.
Principle # 2: Refuse To Wear Masks
If it is your desire to
build relationships with people—whether it’s a family member or neighbor or
someone who has recently entered your sphere of influence—you have to be
prepared to be open and authentic to build a relationship with them. You have
to be real. You have to drop your guard. You need to take off the mask. You
have to be vulnerable.
We can say with
confidence and a clear conscience that we have lived with a God-given holiness
and sincerity in all our dealings. We have depended on God’s grace, not on our
own human wisdom. That is how we have conducted ourselves before the world, and
especially toward you. 2 Corinthians 1:12 NLT
That’s a good operating
statement.
I want to share a secret
with you this morning. You may find it somewhat shocking. You are free to take
off the mask because people already know you aren’t perfect. I know that’s a
complete surprise for you, but the fact is that anyone who knows you already
knows you have flaws—some very obvious and not always nice flaws. So, why
pretend? You can climb down off your pedestal and be a real person just like
everyone else you know and whose flaws you clearly see.
If you are here this
morning and you still haven’t taken that step of committing your life to Christ
as your Savior, I want you to know there is almost no difference between those
who believe in Christ and those who don’t. We have the same problems and
concerns and worries. We face the same storms of life. We are all in the same
boat. The only difference is believers have invited Jesus to climb into the
boat with them and take the helm. We have a new source of help.
You don’t have to be
perfect to build a bridge to people. In fact, being vulnerable will help you in
building that bridge. Stop covering up. When Adam and Eve sinned that’s the
very first thing they did. They covered themselves with fig leaves, but God saw
right through the disguise. Resist hiding behind a mask that we all know is a
mask of your own making.
Principle # 3: Identify Common Ground
In order to build a
relationship with another person, you need to have something in common. After
identifying various situations in which people find themselves Paul provides
the example of what we should do.
Yes, I try to
find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some.
1 Corinthians 9:22 NLT
How do you do that? How do
you find what you have in common with that person you’re working with? There is
one indispensable tool available to you.
Listen. Listen to people
in a way that shows you care. Listen with your heart. Invite people to talk by
saying, “Tell me about yourself.” Then, listen. People are dying to be listened
to, but very few people care enough to be listeners.
The phone
company did a study in New York City and discovered that the number one word
people use in conversations on the phone is “I.” We’re not listening, we’re
just telling people on the other end of the call about ourselves hoping
somebody will listen.
Are you willing to try an experiment? Find a total stranger. Come up with some way for that
person to talk about themselves and share something of his or her story. Then,
listen. You won’t have to say anything and the other person may think you’re a
genius. At the very least they will go away thinking a new friend has been
found.
I’ve done
this with people and others who are with me will ask later, “Where do you know
that person from?” I almost always have to answer, “It’s the first time I’ve
met them.” I tell you this so you will know that anyone can do this. I was so
shy growing up people accused me of being stuck up, unfriendly and detached. I
now embarrass my family because I’m so “out there.”
Once you have established
some common ground, use that ground to build your bridge. If the other person
likes coffee, invite them to go out for coffee. If they enjoy the theatre, find
a play and invite them to go. If they enjoy cleaning the barn… Well, there may
be limits to what you do, but the limits are better set by determining if the
activity is unbiblical, illegal, or unethical rather than whether or not you
enjoy it. Who knows, maybe you will find out you really enjoy tuba solos! Find
that common ground, make the connection and then see how it develops.
Principle # 4: Demonstrate God’s Love
Once the common ground has
been established, seek to demonstrate God’s love.
Imitate God,
therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life
filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered
himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Ephesians 5:1-2 NLT
Our goal is to be like
Jesus. He served in love. We should serve in love, too.
Dear
children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let
us show the truth by our actions.
1 John 3:18 NLT
The Bible says you need to
do more than say, “I love you.” It says you need to show other people you love
them.
How do you do that? You do
it by meeting three of the most essential needs of every individual. Everybody
has three basic needs and when you meet these needs you are demonstrating love.
1st
Need: Everybody Needs Acceptance
You demonstrate God’s love
when you accept them as they are where they are. You don’t expect them to clean
up their lives to have any chance of developing a relationship. Just as God
demonstrated His love for you while you were still a sinner by having Jesus die
for you, you demonstrate your love by meeting them where they are. It doesn’t
mean they will stay there. In fact, you’re hoping they won’t because you’re
hoping that one day they will accept Jesus.
You say, “But you don’t understand. The people I know are so
messed up. They’re into this lifestyle or that problem or that habit. How could
I?” You need to understand there is a big difference between acceptance
and approval. You can accept someone without approving of everything they do.
The model is Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ accepted everybody. He loved everybody
before they cleaned up their act. The
religious people of Jesus’ day couldn’t stand the fact that He would hang out
with un-right people. They called Him “the friend of sinners.” I think Jesus
wore that as a badge of honor. I would love to be called that. Why? It would
mean I’m learning, like Jesus did, to accept people without approving of their
lifestyle. You can accept people without agreeing with everything they’re
doing. Everybody needs acceptance. If you’re going to build a friendship it
starts there.
2nd
Need: Everybody Needs Affirmation
Every person needs support
at some time. All of us experience tough times along the way. It may be
emotional, financial, physical or relational but there are places where we all
need help. When you are there for someone—in their fear, their grief, their
insecurity, their conflict, their disappointment—you are building the bridge.
The Bible says,
Carry each
other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians
6:2 NIV
Listen carefully because
this is important. You help people because you care for them. You don’t help only
as a way to get to them for Jesus. God may use your relationship to accomplish
the salvation of that friend but make sure you let them know you love them—with
no strings attached. A true friend is there to help even when everyone else has
walked away.
3rd
Need: Everybody Needs Assistance
Everybody needs help. Find
a way to help them. Maybe you mow their lawn or shovel their driveway. Maybe
you provide a meal or watch the kids. Demonstrate your love in practical, every
day ways. Paul told the church at Thessalonica,
We loved you so
much that we shared with you not only God’s Good News but our own lives, too. 1
Thessalonians 2:8 NLT
As has been well said, “People won’t care about how much you know until they
know how much you care.”
Principle # 5: Give Credence To Their
Feelings And Fears
The popular buzz word here
is to validate them. Make sure they know that you know and understand what they
are feeling.
What is the
number one factor that keeps people you know from attending church with you? It’s fear. It could be any kind of fear.
·
Maybe
I’ll become a religious fanatic
·
Maybe
I’ll find out it doesn’t really work
·
Maybe
I’ll have to stop doing everything I think is fun
·
Maybe
I’ll lose all my friends
All of these are
misconceptions, but they are very real to the person feeling them. So, don’t
make fun of them. Be sensitive to their fears and sympathetic to their
feelings.
Maybe you felt some of
those same things. Tell the other person how you felt. “I understand. I felt
the same way before I worked up enough courage to go and check it out. You know
what’s funny. I survived. The walls of the church didn’t collapse and I found
out I liked it.” Be patient with people and give God time to act. The Bible
says,
We who are
strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.
Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.
Romans 15:1-2 NIV
Be considerate. You don’t
push or argue anybody into heaven. You love them into heaven.
When you
have a little egg with a chick inside of it, there are two ways to get the
chick out of the egg. One way is to take a hammer and smash the egg, but that
will probably kill the chick. The other way is to put it in a warm environment
and wait.
That’s how you bring
people to the love of God. Surround them with the warmth of God’s love. Be
authentic and real about your own problems. Invite them to church so your
friends you can show their love, too. Then, watch the spiritual birth take
place.
Principle # 6: Expect God To Use You
Does God want to use you
to reach other people? Yes, He does. That’s what Christianity is all about.
That’s why we exist as a church.
We exist to honor God by developing
committed followers of Jesus Christ who attract others to Him.
Until we reach the stage
where we are attracting other people to accept and follow Christ we haven’t reached
spiritual maturity.
If you have decided to
become more committed to building bridges in 2008 to people who aren’t yet
followers of Christ, what would keep you from following through? For many
people the factor that holds us back is not knowing for sure what to say. If
you are building relational bridges along natural lines of interest, you don’t
really need to worry about what to say. You just say what comes next.
Jesus made a comforting
promise to His disciples that we can expect guidance when called upon to
speak—even under extreme pressure.
When you are
arrested, don’t worry about how to respond or what to say. God will give you
the right words at the right time. For it is not you who will be speaking—it
will be the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. Matthew 10:19-20 NLT
When we fully expect that
God wants to and will use us we will be dedicated to praying and studying God’s
Word so we will know His mind when we need to speak. The Holy Spirit will bring
the words we need to our minds so our mouths can speak them. Our communication
is birthed in our spirit of expectation.
Here is the truth God
longs for each of us to embrace.
Key Truth: You may be the one—the only
one—to build the bridge for someone else to go to heaven.
If you accept this as
true, there is one step you may still need to take. You need to pray the most
dangerous prayer in the world. “God, here I am, use me. Please, use me to reach
one person for Christ. I’m willing to be used by You for the people You have
placed around me.”
Conclusion: Too Important Not To Share
Knowing that you can help
even one person settle their eternal destiny is more than enough incentive to
go into the bridge building business.
A few years
ago Mercedes developed a feature that made its frame extremely crash resistant.
They decided not to patent the feature so it would be available to any
automaker who wanted to use it. When asked about their decision the head of
Mercedes said, “Some things are too important not to share.”
Jesus Christ falls into
that category. The good news about Jesus is too important not to share. The
greatest use of your life is to invest it in that which will outlast it by
helping people get into heaven. I finish today with this. Will anyone be in
heaven because of you? It’s great that you’re going to heaven, but is anybody
going with you? Are you willing to ask God to use you to lead one person to
Christ by the end of 2008?
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