Enjoying Life In A (Mostly) Joyless World
Enjoy Life By Conquering Complaining
Philippians 2:14-15
Introduction: Back
From Vacation
Well,
we’re back home after some time on vacation. You all know
how terrible it is to come back from vacation. You return
to cold temperatures with a long time until spring. The
weather wasn’t even that good where we were. It feels like
I’m behind on everything. There are the bills to pay. Why
are there always bills to pay? It’s so awful to come home
I really wonder why I even bothered to go on vacation.
Actually,
it’s good to be home. Really. I wanted to give you a fresh
experience of what a kill joy complaining is. Complaining
drains the life right out of you. Complaining makes you
unhappy. It makes the people around you unhappy. Complaining
is a hard habit to break. It’s much easier to be negative
than it is to be positive. We are far more likely to complain
about people than to praise them. We are conditioned to
focus on all that is going wrong. Prompted by our fallen
nature and pushed by society we fall into the bad habit
of complaining.
We will
see today that complaining is far more than a bad habit.
It’s sin. God wants His children to be very different. Look
at what He says about how visible that difference should
be.
Do
everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may
become blameless and pure, children of God without fault
in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine
like stars in the universe. Philippians 2:14-15 NIV
Let’s
take a look at what God has to say about complaining.
Four Common Complainers
The Whiner
These
are people who wake up negative. They rise and whine. They
don’t have a good side of the bed. David is a good example
of whiner. Listen to him.
Did
I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself
innocent for no reason?
Psalm 73:13 NLT
You can
identify a whiner by listening for their “tell” that sounds
like this, “Life isn’t fair. I don’t deserve this. Everybody
else always gets the breaks.” You hear the whiners in Jesus’
parable about the workers in the vineyard. Some workers
started early in the day while others started late in the
day. All workers received the same pay, which brings the
complaint.
When
they got their coin, they complained to the man who owned
the land. They
said, 'Those people were hired last and worked only one
hour. But you paid them the same as you paid us who worked
hard all day in the hot sun.' Matthew 20:11-12 NCV
Life isn’t
fair. God never said it is going to be fair. It will be
fair in Heaven. He will settle the score in Heaven and Hell.
As long as you complain about the fact that life is not
fair it only makes you more miserable. It will never change
the fact that life isn’t always fair. Complaining doesn’t
work.
The Martyr
These
people are a bit more subtle. Their favorite phrase is,
“No one appreciates me.” Moses is a good example.
Moses
said to God, "Why are you treating me this way? What
did I ever do to you to deserve this? Did I conceive them?
Was I their mother? So why dump the responsibility of this
people on me? Why tell me to carry them around like a nursing
mother, carry them all the way to the land you promised
to their ancestors? Where am I supposed to get meat for
all these people who are whining to me, 'Give us meat; we
want meat.' I can't do this by myself—it's too much, all
these people. If this is how you intend to treat me, do
me a favor and kill me. I've seen enough; I've had enough.
Let me out of here." Numbers 11:11-15 The Message
Martyrs
major in pity parties. When they are sick or feeling pressure
they want to make sure everybody knows it—and shares in
it.
The Cynic
Another
name here would be the pessimist. The identifying phrase
is, “Nothing is ever going to change.” Solomon fits this
category.
“Everything
is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”
What do people get for all their hard work under the sun?
Generations come and generations go, but the earth never
changes… History merely repeats itself. It has all been
done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Ecclesiastes 1:2-4, 9 NLT
The cynic
is the person who throws up their hands and asks, “What’s
the use?”
The Perfectionist
This may
be the most indirect, subtle form of complaining. Nothing
is ever good enough for this person. The “tell” for this
complainer is the always persistent doubt, “Is that the
best you can do?” Here are a couple of examples of what
it’s like to live with a perfectionist.
It’s
better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome,
complaining wife.
Proverbs 21:19 NLT
A
nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky
faucet. You can't turn it off, and you can't get away from
it.
Proverbs 27:15-16 The Message
I used
The Message because this includes husbands, too! The problem
with nagging perfectionists is that nothing is ever right.
Nothing destroys the warmth of a home faster than complaining.
Nothing destroys the harmony of a marriage faster than complaining.
Nagging doesn't work. It just makes everybody upset.
Conquer
Complaining
The standard
God gives us is to do everything without arguing or complaining.
That seems pretty clear. So, let’s look at how to overcome
complaining and arguing.
1st Step: Admit The Problem
We are
usually aware when other people are complaining. We need to be just as aware of our own complaining.
This is often the most difficult step. If we never take
the first step, the other steps will never happen. If someone
were to record everything you say for a week, what would
it show you about yourself? How much time do you spend griping,
complaining, grousing and proclaiming that life—or at the
very least the weather—stinks? Listen to this wise advice
from Proverbs.
A
man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful.
But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.
Proverbs
28:13 LB
Note
three crucial words: admit, confess and forsake. This
tells us complaining is more than a bad habit; it’s
a sin. It needs to be admitted and confessed. It’s too
serious to ignore. Think about what it was that kept Israel
wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. The core issue
holding them back was their grumbling and complaining. Seven
different times it says in the KJV that they murmured. They
were constantly grousing at Moses or at God about how unfair
it was for them, how awful it was and how much better it
would have been to have remained slaves in Egypt. They were
complainers. That’s a problem you don’t just get over. You
have to start by admitting it.
2nd Step: Accept Responsibility
For My Own Life
Often
complaining is nothing more than trying to shift responsibility
for my own life by blaming others for problems I’ve created.
We give ourselves a pass by pinning the blame on someone
else—and then complaining about them. Proverbs helps us
again.
People
ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then
are angry at the Lord.
Proverbs 19:3 NLT
Don’t
complain about how the ball bounces if you are the one who
dropped it! Complaining is one of the all time great escape
mechanisms. Complaining is a convenient way to be irresponsible
and then to avoid responsibility for the irresponsibility.
The truth is: We
reap what we sow. If I am simply reaping what I have
sown, I have no legitimate right to complain about the results.
You are
free to choose what you want to do in life. God has given
you the freedom of choice. But once you have made the choice,
you are no longer free. You're free to make the choice,
but you're never free from the consequences of that choice.
For example, people complain about debt. While there may
be legitimate reasons (health crisis, loss of job, etc)
most often debt is the result of too much spending and not
enough saving. Others will complain they have no friends
but fail to see that you gain friends by being a friend.
There
are three kinds of
people.
Accusers: They blame others for what has gone
wrong. When Adam sinned in the Garden, he handled it like
the man God created him to be and blamed his wife, “Eve
gave me the apple.” When that didn’t work, he blamed God,
“You gave me that woman.”
Excusers: They
aren’t quite as personal in their avoidance. They blame
their environment. It is never their fault because that’s
just the way they are.
Choosers: Choosers accept responsibility for
life. They understand that choices have consequences and
they are willing to live with the consequences.
The second
step is to accept responsibility for my life and the choices
I make.
3rd Step: Develop A Grateful Attitude
The next
step involves developing an attitude of gratitude. This
is where we train ourselves to see the silver lining around
the cloud. In another of his sweeping, inclusive statements
Paul asks us to
Be
thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for
you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT
We
are not expected to be thankful for all circumstances but
we are to be thankful in them. We do this by remembering
that God’s purpose for life is much greater than ours.
We, as
Americans, have much for which to be grateful. American
tourists traveling overseas, however, are considered complainers.
Rather than being grateful for what we enjoy every day at
home, we complain about what we don’t have because we have
chosen to travel to countries that have different customs
and standards of living. The name Ugly American isn’t just
a mean name someone made up. Gratitude is the antidote for
complaining. You can’t complain when you’re being grateful.
Gratitude
doesn’t require that you have to be satisfied with everything.
There may things in your family you would like to improve.
You may have places to grow in your job. Maturity is the
product of healthy dissatisfaction that refuses to settle
for good enough. Even healthy dissatisfaction is a reason
for gratitude. I’m grateful for people who refuse to settle.
We need to strive for excellence. I’m grateful for people
who refuse to let me settle for good enough. That’s especially
true in the spiritual relationship with God. I love the
picture provided by the writer of Hebrews.
And
let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love
and good deeds.
Hebrews 10:24 NIV
We need
people to spur us on and there are people in your life who
could really benefit if you would sink those spurs in to
encourage them to aspire to more.
I remember how much we as students complained about our English
teacher in 10th Grade. Mrs. Youngs was really
tough. In fact, one day she returned the essays we had written
in our college preparatory English class on Dickens’ The
Tale of Two Cities saying, “I have never been more disappointed
in a class in all of my time teaching. There are only three
of you I could find a way to give a passing grade. So, we’re
going to try this one again.” Oh if you could have heard
the complaining after that class. It was definitely the
worst of times.
Fast forward to the 20th High School Reunion where
we are talking about the good ol’ days. The discussion turns
to talking about our favorite teacher in high school. The
overwhelming majority of students respond without hesitation,
“Mrs. Youngs.” Yes, the very same Mrs. Youngs we were always
complaining about. Why was she our favorite? She refused
to let us settle. She motivated us to be better—and now
we finally were grateful!
I have
found I can do the same thing with God. He refuses to settle.
His desire is that I become like Jesus. There are times
when He uses difficult circumstances to help in that process.
Knowing that He is motivating me to be better, I can be
grateful—at least willing to be grateful.
4th Step: Look For God’s Hand In
Circumstances
We have
probably already moved into taking this step, but let’s
make sure we don’t miss it. If you want to gain victory
over complaining so you enjoy life, look for God’s hand
in the circumstances. Check the perspective found here.
For
our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an
eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our
eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what
is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NIV
There
are going to be troubles in life, but as long as we focus
our attention on what is eternal those troubles can be considered
as light and momentary. Weighed against eternity, what takes
place here is light. Measured against eternity, the length
of what takes place is temporary. If the goal is eternal
glory, living trouble-free in this life will never be the
primary goal. For
Christians the most important factor to overcome complaining
is to acknowledge that God is controlling the circumstances,
fitting everything into a pattern for a purpose that far
exceeds the problem.
We are
repeatedly cautioned in Scripture not to complain. At
its core complaining is rebellion against God. When
I complain about circumstances that are beyond my control
I’m really saying that things would be different if I were
God. That’s why this is serious. When we complain, there
are three challenges we lodge against God.
We Question His Wisdom
We wonder
if God really knows what He is doing.
We Doubt His Care
We wonder
if God really does love us.
We Forget His Goodness
I focus
on what I don’t have instead of what I do have.
The
things that I personally complain about the most are often
the very things God knows I need the most in order to become
all that He wants me to be. It’s like a warning light
where God is saying, "There's something wrong here.
Let's change it. Stop complaining. Start changing!"
Look for God’s hand in the circumstances.
5th Step: Practice Speaking Positively
Complaining
is habit forming. Habits are broken by replacing the bad
habit with a good habit. As we see God’s hand at work we
can start replacing negative words with positive statements.
Paul again offers some good advice.
When
you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people
need—words that will help others become stronger. Then what
you say will do good to those who listen to you.
Ephesians 4:29 NCV
We shouldn’t
trash other people by letting junk come out of our mouths.
Say what will help other people. Replace your criticisms
and complaints with compliments.
If you
are parents with young children this is especially important.
Here are some words that have proved true over the years.
And
now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging
your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather,
bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself
approves, with suggestions and godly advice.
Ephesians 6:4 LB
Conclusion:
The Results
What are the results of not complaining and arguing?
Look again at the passage from Philippians where we find
three results.
Do
everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may
become blameless and pure, children of God without fault
in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine
like stars in the universe.
Philippians 2:14-15 NIV
You Become Blameless
This means
that when you don’t complain and argue, no one can point
the finger of accusation at you. You are without fault.
You Become Pure
The word
means to have integrity. Non-complainers are people of integrity.
You can count on them to mean what they say and to do what
they say.
You Shine
When we
act as children of God, people see a marked contrast in
us. We are without fault in a crooked and depraved generation.
You shine like stars in the universe. Our culture is so
negative. When you find a person who is genuinely positive
that person shines like the brightest star in the sky. The
contrast is obvious and it is marvelous. It is so different
to be a person who builds others up instead of tearing them
down.
How do you make an impact in the world for Jesus Christ?
Check your attitude. Be positive in a negative world.
Wouldn’t
it be great if our church had the reputation of being the
place where the positive people go? Hey, that’s the church
where you never hear any complaining. They love God and
show other people His love. You just come alive there! Being
genuinely positive because of what God has done and is doing
in our lives would be contagious. We’d have to lock the
doors to keep people out!
I don’t
know about you, but it makes me want to shine like a star
in the universe!
