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Enjoying Life In A (Mostly)
Joyless World
Enjoy Life By Loving People
Philippians 1:1-11
Introduction:
Start The Year Right
The start of 2009 seems
to throw as many challenges in the faces of people as at any
time since World War II. In almost any direction we look there
are challenges. It’s especially true as we hear dire predictions
of ongoing bankruptcies and looming foreclosures. After all,
there is a limit to the number of bailouts—or at least there
should be. My conversations show that the never-ending litany
of woes leaves us feeling grim.
I want to offer you some
good news to start the year right. Because
God didn’t choose a bail-out plan there is great hope for
2009. Rather than opting for a bail-out, God opted for a bail-in
when He sent Jesus to be our Savior. As the Christmas
celebrations fade into memories, we are going to spend several
weeks studying the book of Philippians.
Philippians is a booked
marked by the irrepressible joy of God. Written by Paul to
the church at Philippi—the first outpost of Christianity on
the continent of Europe (Acts 16)—Philippians is a deeply personal
book as the great apostle writes to people he loves.
It also a
highly practical book as he addresses many of the
problems we deal with on a daily basis. Most of all, this
is a positive book. In it, Paul uses
words like joy, rejoice or be glad between 15 and 20 times
depending on the translation you use.
While our world appears
pretty grim, the situation in first century Europe wasn’t
exactly a picnic. We’ll see that as we move through the book.
Still, in spite of the challenges, Paul demonstrated great
joy. My prayer is that this series, which I have titled Enjoying
Life In A (Mostly) Joyless World, will help
all of us learn to be joyful in spite of our circumstances
or problems.
At the very start Paul
starts at the place where most of us need to start if we are
going to start enjoying life—people. When relationships turn
sour all of life goes sour with it. If relationships are bad,
life stinks. If relationships are strained, life is difficult.
Problems with people kill joy.
Peter Drucker, renowned
as the leading authority in the area of management, states
the most important characteristic of a CEO as a leader is
enjoying other people. The number one factor cited in marital
satisfaction is that the husband and wife enjoy being with
each other. The problem in most marriages is that they
are far more about endurance than enjoyment. It’s the
same with most of our relationships in life. We don’t really
enjoy people. We tolerate them. We put up with them. We endure
them. And, they do the same with us!
Here is the question we
need to answer this morning: What does it take
to enjoy the people in your life? The good news
is that enjoying people is a skill that can be developed.
There are four keys presented by Paul that we will use to
unlock the door to better relationships.
1st
Key: Be Grateful For The Good In People
After a greeting that identifies
the writers of the letter as Paul and Timothy, the recipients
as the saints at Philippi and introductory wishes for grace
and peace, Paul personalizes the letter.
I
thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3 NIV
This probably isn’t automatic
for you. When you think
about other people, what pops into your head first—the positive
or the negative? By
and large our thoughts gravitate to the negative.
That’s why Paul’s statement
is so amazing. There were plenty of negative thoughts about
Philippi upon which he could have fixated. We read in Acts
16 about a series of events that included the salvation of
Lydia, the first European to convert to Christianity, and
the deliverance of a young slave girl who was freed from a
spirit by which she predicted the future. When the owners
of the slave girl realized that their money producer was no
longer able to produce, Paul and Silas were:
Arrested illegally
Stripped, beaten and severely flogged
Thrown into prison and fastened in stocks
Subjected to an earthquake that freed them from prison
Requested to leave the city
It wasn’t all good memories
in Philippi. Yet, in the midst of all the problems, they rejoiced
in prison. As a result the Philippian jailer and his family
chose to follow Jesus. Paul could have focused on the negative,
but he chose to focus on the things for which he could be
grateful.
There may be things in
your past that cause pain. You may have been hurt by a parent
or a partner. The truth is: You don’t like them very much.
You really would like to get past it, but you have to stop
focusing on the negative. Positive memories are a choice.
You can choose what you decide to hold on to from the past.
Here’s the lesson we learn from Paul.
1st
Lesson: We should remember the best and forget the rest
I'm not suggesting that
you deny the hurts you've had or that you excuse the weaknesses
in other people. That is psychologically unhealthy. What
I am asking you is to focus on the good and choose to emphasize
the strengths as much as possible. I hear wives say "He's
a good man, but ... " Anytime you hear "but"
it means the emphasis is on the negative rather than the positive.
Be grateful for what you have! Mr. Perfect does not exist!
Be grateful for the good in other people. That’s the place
to start and not finally get around to later.
Paul focuses on the loyalty
of his readers.
In
all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because
of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until
now… Philippians 1:4-5
NIV
They had been with him
right from the start and stuck with him. Who
has been loyal to you? They stuck with you when
it was tough. It may have been a financial crisis or relationship
disaster but they stayed on your team when they could have
far more easily walked away. They didn’t do anything incredible.
They just remained loyal and you appreciate that. Be grateful.
You can always find something
positive about another person. Well, all right, almost always.
You may have to be creative (you’re the most tidy ax-murderer
I know). If you want to enjoy others, you can do it.
2nd
Key: Practice Positive Praying
Look again at what Paul
writes.
In
all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy…
Philippians 1:4 NIV
It’s never a half-way deal
with Paul. In every prayer, he always prays with joy. How would you like someone like the Apostle Paul praying
for you? I think that would make a real difference.
Let’s move right to the…
2nd
Lesson: The quickest way to change a relationship from bad
to good is to start thanking God in prayer for people
Putting this lesson into
practice will do two things.
It will change your attitude
It will change the other person
Positive praying is much
more powerful than positive thinking. People may resist our
advice, spurn our appeals, reject our suggestions and not
listen to our help, but they
are powerless against our prayers.
When you say to somebody,
"I'll pray for you," what do you pray?
Most of us are good at praying in a crisis but on a normal
basis what do you pray? God, bless them? That's so general.
The more specific you are in prayer the more specific the
answer will be. We’d all like someone like the Apostle Paul
praying for us. Here is an amazing thought: You can be that person for someone else!
How? You can pray for them by following Paul’s
example.
And
this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more
in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able
to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until
the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness
that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of
God. Philippians 1:9-11 NIV
Paul focuses on four requests.
Pray that they will grow in love (abound in love means to
overflow like a tidal wave)
Pray that they make wise choices (discern what is best)
Pray that they will do the right thing (be pure and blameless
or have a clear conscious)
Pray that they will live for God's glory (the fruit of righteousness)
I offer this challenge
to you. If you’re struggling in a relationship, commit to praying for the other
person using these four requests for thirty days. I promise
you will see changes. You will most likely see the change
first in your attitude. Then, even in a time frame as short
as 30 days, I believe you will start to see changes in the
other person. There is one other thing you have to promise
me. If you are a counselor or know someone who is a counselor,
pray for me so the resentment toward me will be reduced as
business is lost.
3rd
Key: Be Patient With Their Progress
We often fight fiercely
to hold on to the past. At the very least, we certainly bring
it up when things become heated. Paul, however, chose to focus
on the future. He considered people’s potential and was patient
with their progress. We love to claim verse 6 as God’s promise
to us. We sing songs about it. We should also see other people
through its wisdom.
And
I am certain that God, who began the good work within you,
will continue his work until it is finally finished on the
day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 NLT
What God starts, God finishes.
He will make complete what He started in your life when you
asked Jesus to forgive you and committed to follow Him.
People are great starters
but bad finishers. People leave unfinished symphonies, unfinished
buildings, unfinished books and unfinished projects. Man
doesn't always finish what he starts but God always finishes
what He starts. He doesn’t make a bird and give him half
a wing. He doesn’t make an unfinished flower or an unfinished
star. He puts the finishing touches on everything He does
and then He says, "It is good." The Bible says when
Jesus Christ starts working in your life He will complete
what He started. In spite of any weaknesses, faults, bad decisions,
sins or circumstances, God is going to finish what He starts
in my life—and in your life too! You are going to make it!
The Bible says that one day when you get to Heaven you're
going to become just like Jesus because you will see Him as
He is (1 John 3:2).
3rd
Lesson: God isn’t finished with people yet and we shouldn’t
be either
While God will finish what
He starts, we need to be patient with people's progress. It’s
a process. To enjoy people we must allow for growth and development.
Paul could say, "I thank God I'm not the man I used to
be. I also thank God I'm not the man I'm going to be. I'm
growing and changing."
If you want to enjoy your
marriage, you have to learn to enjoy your husband or your
wife—right now—while allowing for growth and development.
Otherwise, by the time they meet your current conditions,
you will create still another condition for them to meet.
Parents, if you're going
to learn to enjoy your kids you have to learn to enjoy them
in the process, while they're growing. There is no such thing
as a perfect child. And, there's no such thing as a perfect
parent. If you demand perfection of people in order to enjoy
them, you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life.
Guaranteed! Nobody's perfect.
Paul enjoyed the Philippians
because he chose to ignore the bad things that had happened
and concentrated on the good. He was grateful for the good
that happened and he practiced positive praying—praying with
joy for God to accomplish specific steps of maturation in
them. If you want to change your attitude, start praying for
that person who irritates you at work, that person in your
home—a child or mate who drives you crazy—and see what happens
to your attitude. Then be patient with their progress because
life is a growth process.
How much am I asking you to stake on this? The
answer is simple. I’m
asking you to stake everything on this. Paul said he was
certain—absolutely confident—that
God will do this. Paul believed in God's power to change the
human personality. Paul believed that no person was hopeless.
He never gave up on people. This is a great promise of God.
Claim it for your kids, for your mate and for yourself.
4th
Key: Love People From The Heart
Listen to Paul’s heart
as he writes to the church at Philippi.
It
is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I
have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending
and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace
with me.
Philippians 1:7 NIV
I've discovered that if
people aren’t on my heart, they're on my nerves. Do you understand what I’m saying? If you don't have your kids in your heart, they
get on your nerves. If you don't have your husband in your
heart, he gets on your nerves. The reason so many marriages
are crumbling is that mates are reacting to each other from
their minds rather than their hearts. When your wife says,
"I feel depressed," listen to her. It's legitimate.
When your husband says, "I don't feel this is the right
thing to do. We ought to do it this way." Listen to him.
Listening and loving from the heart hears the meaning behind
the words.
Heart love begins with
understanding—knowing why someone feels that way. Why does
the guy at work act like such a jerk? Maybe you don't know
the background he grew up in. Maybe he's tons better than
he used to be ten years ago. Hear the hurt, look for the problems
and know as much as possible what makes the other person tick.
You can’t love someone you don't understand. Understanding
them makes it easier (notice I didn’t say that it makes it
easy).
You need to understand
the moods of the people closest to you. Why
do they act the way they do? If
you care, you'll be aware. Heart love begins with understanding.
Understanding comes by asking questions and then listening.
The most common complaint I hear from people involves lack
of understanding. What a comfort it is to know that someone
understands you—or at least is trying to do so.
All right, it’s time to
address the tough cases—the nuts who refuse to crack. What
about them? How do you love people when, even though you understand
them, they are basically unlovable? Look at what
Paul says.
God
can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of
Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:8 NIV
In Greek, the word affection
is the word for intestines. The King James translates this
as bowels. The Greeks thought that the seat of the emotions
was in the visceral organs. Instead of saying, “I love you
with all my heart,” Paul would have said, "I've got a
deep gut feeling of love for you." It is an intensive
love that helps me love even the unlovely. That’s not a natural
kind of love. It’s a supernatural love. It's the affection
of Christ Jesus. Human love wears out and dries up and dies
on the vine. This happens to everybody. The only kind of love
that lasts in tough circumstances is God's love—the affection
of Jesus Christ.
It’s
important to note that God’s love is not self-produced.
It is the fruit of the Holy Spirit living in us. Paul wrote
in Romans,
And
hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his
love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given
us. Romans
5:5 NIV
God's love is not something
you work up. It is something that is poured into us by the
Holy Spirit as we let Him live in us day by day. God's love
is something He does in us and through us. It’s a gift as
you let the Holy Spirit live in you moment by moment. Now,
here’s our final lesson.
4th
Lesson: The secret to enjoying the people in my life is to
be filled with God’s love
Do I have permission to speak freely? If you struggle in loving other people, the
problem is most likely not what’s wrong with them but what’s
wrong in you. You need God to pour out His love into your heart.
Conclusion:
Start Enjoying Life
Life is too short to not
enjoy the people in your life. If you don't learn to enjoy
the people that God has placed around you, you will be miserable.
As Paul begins this great book of joy (in which he will deal
with the common kill-joys we experience) he starts off talking
about people. People will rob your joy unless you learn how
to respond to them as Jesus did.
Be Grateful For The Good In People
Who do you need to be thankful
for? Who have you taken for granted in your life? Who have
you failed to appreciate? When was the last time you wrote
a "thank you" note, bought some flowers, made that
favorite dinner or spoke a kind word? How many times has somebody
done that for you and you just took it for granted? You play
the fairness game, so that every time your mate, friend, or
boss does something good for you, it’s because they owe it
to you. As a result, it’s impossible to please you. Start
by giving them a break. Remember their best and forget the
rest.
Practice Positive Praying
Are you praying for those
around you every day? Are you praying for your kids, your
parents or your spouse? Do you pray that they'll be filled
with love, make wise decisions, do the right thing and live
for the glory of God? Almost every book Paul writes has a
prayer in it somewhere that you can use as a model to pray
for other people.
Be Patient With Their Progress
Who is the person with
whom you need to be patient in order to see progress? Is it
somebody at work? Is it one of your kids? Is it your wife?
Is it your husband? Stop
looking at how far they have to go so you can see how far
they’ve already come.
Love People From Your Heart
Who do you need to start
loving from your heart instead of trying to love them with
your head? Love that person like Jesus loves them and trust
Him for what He can do.
The
truth is: the more you enjoy the people in your life, the
greater your enjoyment of life will be. It has to start
with someone who will take the first step. My challenge to
you at the start of 2009 is for you to offer yourself to God
as the one who will get it started by selecting one of the
four keys and applying the corresponding lesson to love one
other person like Jesus would so you can build a better relationship
and enjoy life more.
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